Real Wedding: Hurricane Matthew Edition



This is totally the motto of my life and of our company. As we all know Hurricane Matthew blew in on Saturday and truly took us by surprise. We knew it was coming - but had no idea the damage and flooding that was going to come with it. I am not gonna lie- Saturday was tough. I think I said this quote 100 times. I was here at The Bradford planning Alannah and Gabe's wedding and Courtney was in Raleigh planning Ashley and Lee's wedding.

Ashley and Lee had planned a beautiful backyard wedding at the home they had just moved in to. Early in the week they made the executive decision to have it moved to an indoor location. A full day of calling and a quick venue trip had them at Art Space in downtown Raleigh. The time had to change slightly due to it being open to the public, but Courtney handled it all well moving all the vendors, adding rentals needed, changing shuttle routes and times, and making sure all the guests had what they needed and were informed.

Alannah and Gabe had planned on having everything outside under the market lights. Early on in the week we saw the hurricane and consulted the tent company about what winds it can withstand. The max they felt comfortable with was 40mph. At the beginning of the week we were looking like between 50-80. We made a Rain plan with sustainable winds, and a hurricane plan. We flirted with the idea of moving it to Friday, but our caterer was not able. We called every vendor, every day to keep them updated on the plans. On Thursday Matthew had shifted enough for the expected winds to go down to 15/18mph with 25mph gusts. We made the call on the tent- and had it installed Friday afternoon. With a major sidewall snafu - the clear walls on reserve were unusable as they were damaged (unknown to the company until Thursday afternoon) - I went on the hunt and found enough clear walls (driving to Wilson!) to tent the sides we needed. We had a plan, we were good to go. We all went to bed Friday ready for what looked like a storm, but not a hurricane.

 At 1:30am on Saturday morning - I woke up to wind hitting our house and quickly got online. Matthew had shifted. Rain fall was expected to be about 10-15 inches here and I realized that not only did the projected wind gusts change from 20mph to 55mph - but we had the tent up. The tent can not withstand it. I stayed awake all night thinking through how to make this happen. Luckily we had a "hurricane" plan in place, but the logistics were so much more complicated. Mid-way through the morning we had to make the call that the tent is just not safe. We just had to pray that it would not 1. blow away or 2. break a window. Courtney stayed a little later to help make some decisions, the tent company came back to reinforce it (they couldn't take it down), and we all had a pow-wow about was safe for guests. We had two back up generators I procured earlier in the week, and were just praying we didn't lose power. It was a little scary watching that tent flex and move so much. Bailey and I would just grab the other's hand and squeeze it when those big gusts came through praying that it would be fine.

In the meantime - Courtney was driving to Raleigh. It was brutal. Trees were down, water was just gushing everywhere. She drove at a snail's pace to get there. There was multiple times of minor hydroplaning and I think she said when she got there she was just a bit shaky and needed a few minutes to collect herself before she assessed what was needed. Already the parking lot was 3/4 up her (minivan) tire. The lights were starting to flicker. They hunkered down and made some plans for the worst possible scenarios. The bride's house lost power and she got a call that the caterer's kitchen was flooded, Wake Forest Road was flooded, and they weren't sure they could make it.

On our end, I got a call that a few roads were closed leading to US1, but US1 was fine. A few vendors called and said they were coming - but were moving slow. Everyone got there safe and sound. We had to make quick decisions on catering since this was a plated meal and they needed space. The lights flickered a few times and no one was allowed to say "at least we still have power!" as they would jinx it. We made the decision to have ceremony in ballroom, cocktail hour in the house, flip the ballroom for dinner, with few tables in the house (had to move everyone in the ballroom for announcing and blessing and flip the house in a record 15 minutes), use the dining room for caterer prep, clear a few tables after dinner for dancing, clear the prep space for seating since people lost their tables, and set up dessert and coffee in the house. We never stopped moving furniture, tables, and chairs. The Bradford staff was drenched valeting cars, tightening tent straps, moving tables and chairs, and helping get trash out. We had minor issues with water coming into the ballroom as the gust would cause waterfalls down the side of the tent into the room. We used every towel that The Bradford, and we personally owned (the joys of living next door!) and got it manageable. The food truck for late night snacks showed up, and every vendor got there and delivered what they were suppose to deliver.

Courtney had to delay dinner an hour to get the caterer there and set up and had to figure out how to get coffee for 100. The percolators they had rented had to be picked up and it wasn't possible in the storm. They walked to Raleigh Times and got enough for everyone. The wind died down, the rain slowed, and it was enough to keep power on, and shuttles running. They still had flickers, but everyone got there safe and sound and the guests had a blast!

The hardest part was just being in your bride's shoes. You know that this was not the day they had imagined and you so desperately wanted to make it perfect for them. Even if it means getting extra gas for back up generators in the literally pouring and flooding rains, or feeling like you could float away driving to your event. You will literally do anything to make it right. I so wanted to tell her - it's fine! The tent will be fine! We can just go as we planned! But I couldn't. I had to be calm, but realistic. I never lead my bride with false hope- giving her the needed information- but I also never panicked in front of her or family. There were times on the inside when I felt very anxious. The reality that your decisions are going to affect 120 people and their safety is a little much at times. We had to be smart, not rash, optimistic, but realistic at the same time. The logistics of the day changed so much and there was so much to account for. There were times we were in the middle of a conversation and I had to say -"You know what, I am not 100% sure on the logistics of this, but we can figure it out, give me a second." Then I would go to my team - layout the problem and possible solutions. Everyone piped in considering the guests' comfort, the bride's wants, and the vendor's needs. We then made the decision that made the most sense and informed all parties. It was mentally exhausting, but it felt so good to make decisions and in the end see that it was the right one.

Through all of this - keeping a calm presence, was key. There were times I felt panicky. There were times (going to gas and sand bags) that I had to have a moment. But in the end I really did have confidence in my team and I knew that we would get through it together. Courtney said that when she got to Art Space, she had to just let herself stop shaking from the fearful drive and then kick it into gear. She had to stay calm, collected, and clear headed to make the best decisions for her client. She too had a stellar team that supported her, brainstormed with her, and helped her get a space flipped with no caterer, and keep everyone happy and none the wiser until they could show up.

It took us all day yesterday to recover from the most massive "wedding hangover" (industry peeps you know what this is!) I've ever had. But I woke up to a Thank You e-mail from my bride, texts from vendors saying how awesome we were, and I knew that it was all worth it. In the end- we wanted our brides to say their day was maybe not how they pictured it, but it was still perfect.

We understand that a year+ had gone into this day. THOUSANDS of dollars have been spent. And most of all- it is a dream these couples have had for a very long time. I am so proud of our brides. I think what I love the most is the opportunity to see them start a life together and truly- who can imagine starting a marriage in a hurricane! They handled it beautifully. They were positive, flexible, and still felt free to express sadness and disappointment at times. I never expect on a day like Saturday for the bride to be like "it's perfect, I am fine, everything is fine!" They are real people, and sometimes they need a moment! Whether that is to grieve their vision of their day, or just to let out the frustrations of a week on pins and needles - it's ok! The important thing is that it doesn't ruin the day. And both of our brides didn't let this ruin their day. They still married the man they have loved for years. They still laughed, cried happy tears, and danced their hearts out. They were also some of the most appreciative, gracious, and kind people we have worked with.

Through it all- our vendors rocked it out. My food truck showed up - which was shocking due to the road conditions - and kept me very informed. My cake, flowers, photo booth, DJ, rentals, caterer all came. A little wet- but happy. On Courtney's end, the caterer with the flooded kitchen and flooded road figured out how to get there. Everyone knew we were in a hurricane and some not even sure if they could drive back home. But they came. They worked their tails off. We all pitched in and filled in the gaps. Sometimes we were bussing, sometimes we were pouring champagne, and sometimes we were clearing out trash. We were in it together- and we were going to make it work.

I am so grateful that I get to work in an industry that when I say "So- we have this and this, but we still need to figure out how to do that-" Everyone has the attitude that "It's Figureoutable! We can do this!" So thank you to every vendor that came, that worked, and that made this all happen for our clients.  A really special shout out to our team: Bailey (and her boys!), Whitney, Sarah, Leah, and Julie - you all were calm when maybe we weren't, wise in your advice, and never stopped moving all night. I so appreciate the constant encouragement that we were doing a good job, and even the forced feeding of dinner - thank you. I can't say enough how unbelievably grateful I am for you guys. But most importantly- thank you to our brides, their families, and their guests. Thank you for not freaking out, for trusting us, and for allowing us to be a part of what is sure to be one of the most memorable day of all our lives!

Who We Are: Mom

Hi again blog word, it's been a long time (Courtney here) - I am super excited to share this descriptive word with you as I have had the privilege to share this title three different times! Maybe you are Mom, Mother, Mommy, or as my kids call me Mama - no matter what noun is used - so much is bestowed when you are given that title, I have to admit that it is one of the toughest gigs I have ever signed myself up for - but also one of the most rewarding. There are times when I feel like I don't measure up and there are times I feel like I am a hero; times I feel like I am failing at it all mom, business, lets not even mention house cleaner and other days when I am totally relating to that Katy Perry song and I am lioness that has all her ***t together! All that to say, there is a lot that goes into being a mom that brings out the best in you, makes you face your weaknesses, get over your self, and at the same time extend yourself grace when all is not perfect!

At C and D 5 out of our 9 employees are Moms and I love it! At any given time you can pop in our office and see a two year old (or two) a baby, or a "big" little kid. We have learned how to roll with sick kids that can't go to school or Babysitters on vacations or husbands that had to work late and still get our jobs done - not by ourselves but with the help of our team. It is totally a no judgement zone and we can freely talk about our struggles and doubts without feeling guilty. I love that everyone's kids are close in age but in different stages so we can help each other through difficult phases with tried and true methods.

I was talking with Dana the other day (really pick any day) and our conversation meandered to greater purposes and "what does it all mean" talk and it dawned on me that maybe our company stands for fellowship and support and an outlet for moms who need to be creative and still be home with kids. Maybe it stands for what could be for the girls who are just starting on their journey with new marriages and careers they are building - showing them a possibility to continue doing what they love and what fulfills them while still raising a family and being present. Maybe it means creating a network where pretense is gone and struggles are real and support is available while trying to navigate those mom waters. Maybe its an illustration to my daughter that she doesn't have to choose one or the other but can work out a balance and see success in both parenting and business. When I really sit back and let those thoughts soak in - if "that's all that it means" then that's more than enough!

The Fam!





Top 16: Vendor Connections

I know you all are just waiting on the edge of your seats to see our last two "Top 16" Posts! Well, today we are going to chat about vendor connections. How can I be excited about vendor connections?!?




I can not tell you how isolating owning your own business is. It is one of the hardest, loneliest, and soul crushing at times, thing I have ever done. (It is also exhilarating, wonderful, and the best thing I have done.) While the good times are fantastic, the bad times are just hard and it is so hard to share your woes with people who don't really understand the pressures and failures you feel. I remember when we were building the venue and everyone I saw said something similar to - "You must be so excited! This is your dream come true!" And yes, I was excited, but I was also scared out of my mind. I was over my head, into the biggest pit of debt that I didn't know how we would get out of, and I was constantly asking myself why we did this. It was the hardest thing mine and Courtney's relationship endured, it questioned my resolve, and it made me yearn for a normal 9-5.

During this time, we were silent. Smiling on the outside, but just dieing on the inside. Who understood what we were going through? It wasn't until we started peeling back the layers that we realized -who understands us more than other small business owners? They get it! They took the leap. They put all their eggs in a similar basket. They also feel lost, alone, and sometimes just bewildered at what their next step is.

So - we dug in. We started making friends in the industry. We started being real. Not Debbie Downers - but real. We laughed, we shared war stories, and when a fellow business owner was struggling - we provided a shoulder because we get it! We were/are there! We started connecting with moms in the industry. We felt so alone that we had to make a choice - do I go to this event or do I tuck in my babies? Do I go to a meeting, knowing I will have a baby at home that has to take a bottle instead of nursing? At the time, we felt like no one got it. But we realized is that they do - and the loneliness is only because we have created it.

We made a choice last year, to be more present, to uplift those around us, and to make good connections with people that provide us with a breath of fresh air. We have people that we call when we need advice, help, or just a "Can you believe.." We send business to our competitors because they aren't our competition, but our friends. We dig in when we can, and we are so excited for the relationships that have flourished because of it.

When we go to networking events it is so refreshing to see people and not just be surface level - "everything is great, I have X many weddings, and we are just so blessed, and love all our clients, and love everything about what we do." Instead - it's how ARE you? Can we HELP you in any way? Can I ask what you would do in this situation? Business is great - but do you struggle with this? How would you charge this client?

It is real, and I think the purpose for getting together is to learn, grow, and sometimes lean on each other. Granted not every one in the industry is chummy, but for the most part, the people we choose to spend time with, meet with, laugh with, and learn from are worth investing in.

We love this industry- we love the people - and are so grateful that we get to be a part of it!


"I'm not beautiful"

Fair warning: This post is going to be a little personal.

I struggle on a daily basis to balance it all. Being a mom, wife, business owner, wedding planner, venue owner - there is a lot on my plate. Sometimes I want to just walk away and be just a mom and a wife. Then my husband gently reminds me that I would be happy for about 2 minutes and then be itching to get back into something. He is right. But sometimes the guilt seems too much.

There is nothing worse than "mommy guilt." Truly - I can have guilt about past friendships, aspects of my job, or even my marriage at times. But nothing truly pulls on my heart and leaves me this gut wrenching feeling than my mommy guilt. I call it "my" mommy guilt because I don't believe that someone else is judging me - I don't buy into all that - but I, me, personally, put it upon myself.

Most instances of mommy guilt are minor. "I should be buying organic vegetables." "Are the kids feeling like I am never around?" "Do they look a little skinny to you?" "Man, I should be reading more to them." "Ugh- I will never be able to schedule a play date!" "Should they be in ballet, soccer, art class, etc?" The list goes on and on and I am convinced I should just start saving now for their therapy when they are 20. There is very rarely a time when the guilt seems so overwhelming that it moves you to tears and truly makes you look at yourself and wonder what you did wrong. Such a moment happened this morning.

A little background here - Ada is obsessed with skirts and dresses. I don't really care - but the girl will only wear dresses/skirts. Now I am not a crazy controlling mom. But what does drive me nuts is that she wears the same thing over and over has literally a drawer full of shirts and shorts that she never touches. So we started a clothing chart. It has 4 dresses and 3 pants. She picks the day she wants to wear a dress/skirt or shorts. However, once all 4 dresses have been used she has to wear pants.  The chart resets on Mondays and she normally does the chart happily. She likes the control and the expected. She always wears her dresses Monday-Thursday then shorts Friday-Sunday.

Today is Thursday and normally a dress day. So, what is the problem? Well this week she knew Sunday was Mother's Day, and she knew she wanted to wear a dress. She struggled. I was tired. Bad combination. She really wanted to wear a skirt. I really wanted to get her brother dressed. We talked about it, and talked about it, and talked about it. She just kept saying she really wanted to wear it. I normally would just acquiesce and move on, but this morning I was really irritated at how this little girl was so upset about a pair of shorts. I walked away for a few and then told her to come sit with me on the couch. She is in tears - well fighting tears. I asked her - a question I don't think I had ever asked - "What is the difference between shorts and a dress?" Her response - "I'm not beautiful in shorts!" Then the sobs started - I mean hiccups, snot, big alligator tears kind of crying. Her head is buried in my lap and I just want to cry with her.

Now - to most people they may think this is silly. But she was serious. She genuinely felt like she was not beautiful in a pair of shorts. I told her that she is beautiful no matter what she wears. That clothes don't define who you are.  As we sat there, I couldn't stop thinking about myself. Not literally 2 days ago I was lamenting over having nothing to wear that makes me feel pretty. I can't tell you the last time I did not stop in front of a mirror to adjust this and that. I do not know the last time I just walked into the shower with out inspecting the fact that I should probably lose those love handles, or inspecting the many stretch marks my babies left me. I pick, I prod, I complain about my skin, my hair, and whatever else is getting me down. When I put on make-up, a nice dress, and some heels - I feel prettier and I act more confident.

We live in a world where the princesses my daughter loves are only seen wearing dresses and told they are beautiful. Yes, they are brave and smart and whatnot - but they are not told they are - just that they are beautiful. Kate - a real life princess - is judged based on her dress and applauded for looking perfect hours after giving birth. All I heard was "Wasn't she just so beautiful?!?" "look at how thin she is!" "Her dress is stunning, and so perfect." Yes this is all true, but she was also amazingly strong and brave (you would not have found me stepping out, much less functioning that soon after).

How was I suppose to tell this little girl that she was being silly? I understood her. I felt her pain. And I hung my head in realizing I was teaching her all the wrong things. I picked up her face and asked her -

"Do you ever feel smart?"

"Sometimes," she responds.

"Do you ever feel kind?"

"Not really"

"Do you ever feel sweet?"

"Only when you tell me"

*Slowly a smile starts to emerge*

"Do you ever feel like you are a good friend?"

"Not all the time"

"Do you ever feel brave"

"Not when I get shots!"

"Do you ever feel like you love other people?"

" Of course Mom!"

"Ada you are all these things. You are not just beautiful. Beauty is not about what you look like, or what you wear, but who you are baby girl. You are smart, kind, sweet, a great friend/cousin/sister, brave, and you love people so much! That is what makes you beautiful"


I told her that I was sorry I didn't tell her those things more often. The guilt was overwhelming and heart breaking. But in a way it was something I needed to hear. We will probably still battle over dresses and shorts, but I can guarantee that my "you are beautiful" compliments will not be reserved for when she is wearing a dress, but for when she is being smart, or brave, or kind, or just Ada.


~ Dana